I can't help but find it interesting, that personality wise, I am a very sexualized woman.  So much so, that I need it, like I need to drink water. But doesn't every human being?  I'm afraid this goes much further than just sex, but also seeps into that other pesky human emotion-love. Yet, I have no partner, and the Gods who call out to me the most, aren't really associated with orgiastic rites.  In particular Minerva and Apollo-especially Apollo now a days it seems.  He is the God of moderation, rationality, philosophy, the arts, prophecy and healing-he also has many other epithets that imply other spheres of influence.  I'm at a point in my life, where procrastination needs to be left behind and decisions need to be made.  But I can't shake off or leave behind, my hunger for male companionship.  Interestingly enough, it isn't like I'll go with just any man-just the other day, there was this older man talking me up on the train, and he wouldn't quit it!  Anyways, maybe Apollo, just wants to help me, save myself. 

    As a woman, I do feel it is important for us, to be comfortable with our bodies, our sexuality, be able to have equal pay as men, etc.  But here is where I get conflicted, it isn't exactly 50/50 among men and women. Yet, I feel that men are pigeon holed and stereotyped, quite often-as rapists, murders, abusers, overtly aggressive, and the list can go on I'm afraid. Maybe its me, but I can't help but notice, that there does seem to be an inbalance happening.  Its a pendulum, which swung from androcentric and is now swinging to gynocentric.

    A while ago, when I was a teenager, I went through a misandrist phase. But now that I'm a little older and a little more mature, I don't feel that way any more. Instead, I've come to feel compassion for them, they're the other half, they're my fellow human beings. I'm only talking about here in the west, its just fucking insane the shit a lot of women around the world go through. We western women have it pretty good in comparison,  and yes there is imporvement to be made, but thats life for you. You can never do enough, perhaps thats why one of the delphic maxims is 'aquire your limit'. Men deserve respect and dignity, point blank, just like every creature in this world-I think its time, women woke up to that

     Prayer truly does work for those who believe and the Gods do speak for those who are willing to listen.  Today I started out my day lighting a candle at my shrine and pour a libation.  I said my usual personal prayers, but this time, I asked Janus and Mercury, to keep me calm on my way to the temping agency.  I'm the type of person who gets nervous right away in new areas.  My mantra through out the day was my prayer to Mercury.  Yes, I was still a little anxious when I got there, but I wasn't a complete mess.  I spoke coherently and held myself together maturely.  Although, the receptionist test, they make you take on the computer was a real pain in my butt. The computers they had there were almost as old as I am.  But I did the best that I could, and I felt like gentle Mercury, was with me, reminding me to breath. 

Hail Mercury!
God of Commerce
Protector of travelers
Master of languages

Hail Janus!
Two faced God
God who guides
God who protects

Pax Deorum!


 

    This account is more neglected than my myspace, one!  But unlike with my myspace-its just plain old overrated, I do have a reason for my 'disapearence'.  My life, thus far-like with most 21 year olds, has been one mass of chaos!  And I'm just talking about college, I'm not going to get into the other areas of my life.  First, theres the reading, then the exams, then mid terms, then that surprise 10 page research paper you only 'heard' about 2 weeks before, yep you guessed it, finals!  Everything else, that isn't  detrimental, gets lost in the scuffle.  By the way, I should mention that I want to be a nurse.  Oh Lordy, if I hear one more horror story about nursing courses, my head is going to explode.  Although, I did fail my anatomy and physiology class, but right now I'm not exactly a nursing student and I may get a job temping. 

    I remember, that I wanted this journal to be a way for my to document my spiritual growth. I'm still interested in the Religio Romana, in fact, I've signed up for the Nova Roma mailing list. I even set up a small little shrine in my room.  I really wish I hadn't forgotten about this journal, simply because, it would have given me a way to write out my doubts and thoughts.  But, I do feel, like this is the path for me.  In fact, during the last couple of months, I'm begining to believe, more and more, that I'm on the right track. I'll leave that for another entry.

Pax Deorum

      When I was in high school I loved Hekate, I still do.  Anyway one day I wrote this poem called Lampades

Dancing Free with Hecate by myside, underneath the diamond studded sky Her red eyed hounds joyfully nipping at my heals We dance through the willows and the yews Screaming and howling to the moon With out a care For I'am free

     For me Hekate stands for change and right now I feel like the gods, spirits, or who ever it is that watches over is trying to tell me that's time to let go and dance free with Hekate by myside.  Perhaps she does watch after me...